Our gnews is better, because we’ve got an extra letter!
Secret Agent Man – Agent Orange
Doesn’t it just warm your heart that the highly trained team of super professionals whose job it is to protect the POTUS decided to quibble over a few bucks during a “hookers and blow rage fest” in Colombia? It does mine.
Simon Cowell is releasing an autobiography. Diarrhea is unpleasant and never welcome. Same thing.
Mexico – Incubus
Wal-Mart executives “may” have bribed officials to the tune of $24 million in order to do away with pesky building permits and environmental impact studies and lame stuff like that. Then when the Super Duper top executives at Wal-Mart found out about this embarrassing mess they sprang into action! Because they believe in old fashioned ethics. They assigned an executive being investigated to the investigation. I wonder how that turned out?
Fake Kinkade – Obits
Thomas Kinkade was a really sh*tty artist who sold millions of dollars worth of really sh*tty art. Was, because he died. Now Kinkade’s family (including his ex-wife!) is attempting to take out a restraining order against his girlfriend because, well, she knows too much… about something. Maybe he was secretly painting pictures of Hitler on Mount Olympus… who knows? The family says she may know ‘trade secrets’ EG: “How to paint crap and make people buy it.” Now we may never see that Hitler picture, or whatever it is.”
Jesus, etc. – Wilco
Nixon hate machine Charles “Chuck” Colson has died at 80. Please see previous entry on Simon Cowell for explanation of Diarrhea.
And here’s to the fleshy dumb-bots of Crazy Uncle Jerry’s Liberty University who are protesting Mitt Romney’s commencement speech at their graduation. Seems they found out Willard is a Mormon! They HATE mormons. I guess that’s what Jesus would do. Fal trained them well and now they’re turning on their master. Be back tomorrow.
News from gawker.com, wonkette.com, LA Times and New York Times.