As I sat thinking about today’s Daily Soundtrack guess what popped up? I bet you can’t guess, yo. It was a commercial for one of those fake Mexican fast food chains, yo. And they are so hip they practically FORCE me to purchase their ‘tacos’ and/or ‘culotillos’ or ‘chupalatas’ or some other food bomb they’ve pulled out of their ass cheeks, yo. And they sealed the hipness factor by ending sentences with yo, yo. When companies want to sell me their cr@p they should embrace the hip slang of youth! Or should they? The following is a PSA for all you “crumblys” who are out of the loop.
Don’t Smoke the Brown Tea – The Crowd
If you work in a coffee shop and some young hippy witch comes in and asks for Dave and you say, “Dave’s not here” and she replies “Oh, I was supposed to pick up some tea.” Don’t start brewing that orange pekoe just yet. Your work buddy Dave just may be a local MARIJUANA dealer. In this instance “tea” just might mean MARIJUANA! Never turn your back on him again as he may go insane and attempt to eat your face at any moment. And beware the wild words of youth!
Do The Do – Howlin’ Wolf
If you decide to try out the local beauty parlor because Sam retired from the barber shop and the new guy only knows how to do ‘fades’ don’t be surprised if your face gets slapped when you ask “do any of you young ladies know how to ‘do the do’?” You’re thinking Hairdo and they may think you’re asking them to have hot and steamy sexual intercourse with you! “Do the do” might mean sexual intercourse to many knowledgeable, but incredibly promiscuous, young women. Beware the wild words of youth!
News Flash – Lee “Scratch” Perry
When the intern is keying in tonight’s 6 o’clock news cast after a busy day, make sure she doesn’t type “News Flash!” before those important stories! The high-schoolers watching and waiting for news about the big rock ‘n roll sock hop at the teen center will believe you’re putting them down! “News Flash” is akin to saying, ‘Hey stupid, don’t you know that…!’ And today’s teen doesn’t appreciate being made to feel uninformed. Beware the wild words of youth!
Keystone Cops – Dominic Allan
Those old people at the party (those over 27) may not know to scatter but if someone shouts “the ‘Keystones’ are charging up the driveway,” rest assured everyone younger than that will head for the sliding glass door that leads out past the backyard bomb shelter. You see, they’ve been given the secret warning that Law Enforcement Officers are on their way to break up the gathering. Hopefully none of the guests are in possession of ‘Tea’ or you could be looking at 30 to 40 years taking it up the ying-yang in prison. Beware the wild words of youth!
The Muffin Man – Ella Fitzgerald
If your daughter comes home from the library and talks about the “stud muffin” she met in the “How to Cook for you Husband” section, pull her out of Junior High and begin home-schooling her immediately… otherwise you will be grandpa/ma before you can say Jack Robinson! News Flash! A “stud muffin” is an attractive young man who most assuredly wants to do the do with her. Maybe on your bed while you and the missus are at the Elks Lodge! DOING THE DO! You don’t want them to do that, do you? Well, do you? The do? Beware the wild words of youth!
This has been a public service announcement from Bingo Sugarfoot at spinbridge.com, yo.