2012 Sad Trombones, Tiny Violins!

Today we have a bunch of people who make ol’ Bingo sad. Tears will fall. Pillows will be soaked. Sees Candy will be gorged. Sad trombones and tiny violins will play in my head all day long.

Dancing The Night Away – Cheap Trick
In Tennessee a young lady and her family are suing the local school district because she wasn’t allowed to go to the senior prom. It seems a month ago she informed the school she was going to wear a “confederate flag” dress and they let her know it was inappropriate. She wore it anyway.
Now she’s sad.
Now she’s blue.
Now the dress will go to waste.
This makes me sad too.
It’ll probably be used to mop up the next spill in the meth lab.
My Responsibility – Buffalo Tom
In the feel bad sports story of the year a college cornerback from a small market football team isn’t going to be taken in the first round of the NFL draft. He has the talent and the scouts say he would have been selected… except… he was kicked out of a Division 1 school after being arrested twice for pot and once for a barroom brawl. And then, after enrolling at the Division 2 college, he fathered 4 children with three different women before graduating. NFL teams say they’re ‘suspect about his personal judgment’. He says he’s not worried because he’ll make up for the ‘lost money’ with his second contract.
This makes me sad.
When did the NFL start caring about things like personal responsibility?
Just Say No (Sometimes) – Young Hines
In 2008, on the night Obama was crowned POTUS & #1 Bin Laden hunter, these Republicans, Eric Cantor, Kevin McCarthy, Paul Ryan, Pete Sessions, Jeb Hensarling, Pete Hoekstra, Dan Lungren, Jim DeMint, Jon Kyl, Tom Coburn, John Ensign, Bob Corker, Newt Gingrich and yappy face skunk Frank Luntz suddenly realized George W Bush wasn’t president! What to do? What to do? WHAT TO DO? And then Nancy Reagan popped into their heads… “JUST SAY NO!” They agreed they’d be against everything… no matter what!
Barry says yes, they’ll say no.
But what if it’s good for the country? NO!
What if it’s originally a Republican idea? NO!
What if ‘NO!’ causes people to suffer? NO!
This makes me sad.
It sounds like they had the best interests of the American people in their elected minds from Day 1! Um, just don’t get caught alone with them in an alley, a bar bathroom or Congress.
Tighten Your Wig – Galactic
Did you know that Britney Spears has conservators? Her father and now, after yesterday, Some Dude, her fiancé. Blubber tears are now falling from my eyes.
She’s so kookoo she can’t look out for herself.
She’s gonna get married again though.
She’s ready to pop out a few more kids.
She’s still earning millions.
She still has zero talent.
This makes me sad.
At some point she’ll be Soylent Green but too tough to eat.
Let The Back Door Hit You – Peppermint Harris
This week is Frank McCourt’s last to own the Los Angeles Dodgers. Although he bought the Bums with money loaned to him and he pocketed every dime he could get his hands on, he’s going to walk away with about a BILLION DOLLARS. And now when the boys in blue suck, do crappy stuff to their fans or raise the price of parking to $25 I won’t have anyone to blame! (Maybe Magic Johnson).
That makes me doubly sad.
Wha Whaaaa. Sad Trombones.
Skree Skree. Tiny Violins.
Back tomorrow!