2012 Why We Torture!

Remember when the USofA would send prisoners of war to our little hideaway in Cuba and torture the sh*t out of them in order to gain ‘intelligence’ which we could then use to find other people to torture? Quite a number of people said, “hey, um, we don’t think torture is a good idea”… so it was then called “enhanced interrogation.” And the smart folks then said, “enhanced interrogation is torture.” And the torturers said, “f*ck y*u it’s saving the ~~babies~~… troops.” Turns out there was nothing resembling intelligence involved in the decision making… after 3 years of investigating it’s been determined that no worthwhile information was gathered with torture. Why DID the CIA torture prisoners then?

Rocket In My Pocket – Little Feat
Perhaps it was that old standby… “getting sexual gratification from making someone stand naked in a cell for hours and hours and hours while Ted Nugent songs are blared at 11 over a loud speaker.” I’m certain the CIA finks had a euphemism for juicing in their Dockers… I think it was probably “…spreading the love…”
Impressed – Charlie Sexton
Maybe it was to impress one of the “little honeys” they met on their last excursion into Colombia! I heard from a friend who heard from his friend’s uncle who was best friends with a member of the secret service that money and blow is passé in South America. You really need something special to impress those sweet ladies and get them back to your hotel room. Aw, who am I kidding? You just need cash.
One More Time With Feeling – Regina Spektor
Or perhaps it was to “one up” their fellow torturer! I mean if he’s got the guy to scream, “please stop” merely by putting him into a high stress position then you’d want to do better by, perhaps, smashing a testicle with a tiny silver hammer. You’d smile at your friend and shout, “one more time with feeling!” Whack. And then you’d “spread the love.”
Mommy Where’s Daddy – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Me thinks perhaps it might be DADDY ISSUES. Aw, the poor CIA agent’s daddy didn’t say “I love you son” or have a catch or show him how to extract a fingernail without leaving a bloody mess.
FUTURE TORTURER: “Mommy where’s daddy?”
CIA MOTHER: “He’s in Colombia getting mommy’s special medicine and he better not bring me back anything else or I’ll smash his balls with a tiny silver hammer! Now go to your room and masturbate to pictures of Pol Pot like all the other 17 year old boys, what’s wrong with you!?!”
American Capitalist – Five Finger Death Punch
It could be how they understand the American ideal! Just maybe they’re using horrific simulated drowning techniques in order to pass along the American idea that…

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Or they just need to get off.

My mother used to say, “If you act like they do, you’re no better than they are.” Torture makes us less human.