This morning while checking to see if the world blew up I witnessed a commercial for a new film “Machine Gun Preacher.” In MGP a super handsome dude (who used to be quite naughty) finds religion and heads off to some god forsaken land to “help these people.” Horror and violence abound… so he takes up a machine gun and wastes a bunch of bad guys (probably while shouting “Vengence shall be mine!”). Now I’m not making any judgments on that whole scene (because when confronted with machetes and frowns I’d probably squeeze off a few thousand rounds) but I AM saying that once you pick up the weapon, the entire preacher thing kind of goes out the window.
Here’s a few songs for imaginary sequels…
They’re bad. They’re mean. They’re 8 years old. Machine Gun School Girls.
“They won’t bring you an apple, they’ll bring you hell!”
F#ck the treasury, they want the real money! Machine Gun Bankers.
“No regulations can keep these regulators down.”
Revenge is a dish best served bloody. Machine Gun Waiters.
“Would you like a side of death with your dinner?”
Kiss my assault weapon. Machine Gun Prostitute.
“She’s tired down there, she’s tired of men, you’re tied up in the closet.”
Death. Six Strings. Five Fingers. For Ever. Machine Gun Rocker.
“The men don’t know what the little girls understand… he’s packing heat.”
Listen to the songs. Imagine the poster. Imagine the opening. Play the movie in your head. Trust me, it’ll be as good as the real thing.