Just when you believe things have reached their lowest point, the zenith if you will, the unexpected will happen and restore your faith in humanity… for a few moments at least. And Lessons Will Be Learned!
Stand Your Ground – Rancid
In Texas (AKA the Gun State) Raul Rodriguez was sick of the loud party going on next door. So he took a gun and a camera, went over, and asked his neighbors to step outside to take about their choice of music. Then he shot and killed one of them while screaming about “stand your ground, stand your ground!” It was a close call but thankfully a jury convicted him of murder. LESSON: You aren’t STANDING YOUR GROUND when luring someone to their death.
The Plague – Scott Walker
Funny story. It seems, in Oregon, a do-gooding sort of fellow was walking along the street and he saw a cat catch a rat… which is what cats do. He decided that this was just too brutal for his taste, a cat killing a pest and he fought with the cat to save the rat. He was successful! And to pay his debt the rat bit him. The man now has Black Plague! YAY! Lesson: Don’t F*ck With Nature!
Down To The Nightclub – Tower of Power
Violent vicious woman beater/karaoke dancer Chris Brown got in a fight at a night club last night. Someone whooped his ass and put a big ol’ gash in his chin. In order for this to be a perfectly happy ending the whooper would have been a woman but, sadly, we don’t know who kicked the violent woman hating beater / karaoke lip sync dancer’s ass. But someone did, and gave him a scar, so it’s good news. Lesson: Violent woman hating beater/karaoke lip sync dancers go to clubs.
Turn It Around – The Smithereens
In Louisiana the state legislature and Gov Bobby ‘I Tawt I Saw A Puddy Tat” Jindal hated that private Christian schools could not get state education funds… that separation of church and state thing! So they rushed through a bill to allow religious institutions to receive $$$ via vouchers. Oh ohhhhhz, here comes the muslims. They want money too. And the red dot people. Maybe even the Tom Cruise brigade. WTF? The meant Christians, not everybody. They’re still handing out the money to the groups they want to get it, but they’re rethinking the whole deal. Lesson: You can always count on knee jerk Republican Politicians to not think something through, thus allowing just the opposite of what they want to happen.
Three Way Split – Hank Mobley
A Georgia woman’s 31 year old policeman husband collapsed and died during sex. She was understandably distraught and sued her husband’s cardiologist for not warning said husband to lay off the sexy time. The cardiologist countered with “I DID tell him, No strenuous activity!” Oh, did I mention the woman’s husband’s sexy death was while having a three-way with another man and a woman who was not her? Doesn’t matter… Lawsuit victory to the tune of $3 Million. Lesson: Doctors, always include the phrase “your heart’s bad don’t go having three way sexy time no matter the combination of men, woman or spouses!” at the end of a office visit.
Lesson learned? It’s Thursday AKA Pants Party Day. Have one!