Ugh. Today is one of those days the Daily Soundtrack wishes it could just say “sorry the world’s much too ugly, even for me!” What set me off is a racist old rat-faced lady radio host in AZ who calls our president “a monkey” and then says she’s not a racist because her last name sounds Hispanic. Yeah, you’re a sweet old thing. Rather than get into that I decided that today we’re talking Swedish Pizza. I was scanning gawker.com this morning and it turns out they put some messed up stuff on pizza in Sweden! I figured we’d give cute names to the pizzas based upon the ingredients.
Note: These are real pizzas.
Arizona – Kings of Leon
This awesome sounding pizza has raisins, peanuts, bananas and curry on it. Yum! Let’s name it the “Arizona” because of the shriveled up old grapes, large helping of nuts and the layer of oppressive heat on top that obviously drives people bananas! It’s the perfect pie for racist, rat-faced, talk radio.
Alternate Route -Ron Carter
Ohhhhh, canned fruit cocktail and chocolate. Deelish! I’m calling this “Alternate Route.” This ‘cocktail’ is a diverse rainbow of fruit, all living together in the same can, and suddenly you mix in chocolate!?! Well you’ll want to avoid Arizona where you can now be pulled over and questioned for looking like you don’t belong… especially chocolate or any browns. Upon getting pulled over turn on racist rat-face radio and tell the cop you’re in the NRA.
Gay Bar – Electric Six
Bernaise sauce and salami. Um this pizza sounds somewhat, shall we say, of the alternate life style!? Let’s call it the “Gay Bar!” It may be popular in Sweden and select places in the good old USofA but don’t order this in Gilbert Arizona because the locals will believe you’re gay, terrorize you and your children endlessly in an attempt to drive you back to Phoenix. And the police won’t give a sh*t and may even help them do it. If I ever go to AZ again I’m gonna order this bad boy and send it to rat-face… oh I’m naughty.
Crumblin’ Erb – Outkast
Duck, black currants and honey. This just sounds completely underground doesn’t it? Duck. Black Currants. HONEY? What the f*ck is a black currant? Maybe it’s some new kind of weedy maryjane hemp pot dope! Which is a felony in Arizona. Yep. Straight to prison. Even if it’s in your friend’s pocket and you don’t even know it’s there. You’re going to prison.
Sheriff Joe – The Haymarket Squares
And spread all across the top of this pie: Pork tenderloin, shrimp and gorgonzola! If that doesn’t scream “Sheriff Joe” at you what does? I mean PORK AND SHRIMP with STINKY CHEESE YOU CAN BARELY TOLERATE layered on thick. It’s so disgusting it’s inedible… but it’s there. It won’t go away. Can someone please put a fork in it?
I love pizza. Glad we could avoid all that unpleasantness. And if I called Barbara Espinosa rat faced it’s because it’s true here in the no political correctness free freedom/america/not on my pizza zone.