We the people of the Daily Soundtrack, just couldn’t find that one story that piqued our curiosity today (and we’re paused for the news that Jerry Sandusky is heading to hell for a good long rot) so it’s time for the gnews. And you know, “Our Gnews is better, cause we’ve got an extra letter!”
Making Love To A Vampire With A Monkey On My Knee – Captain Beefheart
This morning on “Headline News” new anchor Robin Meade (who will gladly take any important story to the bottom of the sea) told ‘Mr Moviefone,’ “I don’t remember the part in history about Abraham Lincoln being a vampire hunter!?!” At first ol’ Bingo thought she was being clever, but then she said something like, “I must have missed that” and “where do they come up with these ideas in Hollywood.” Robin, it was a book, and not a very good one. Here’s a few spoilers, Shoeless Joe Jackson and the Chicago Black Sox didn’t walk out of heaven into a cornfield in “Field of Dreams,” it’s not really Nixon’s head on Futurama and Harry Potter was completely made up… he’s fictional. Please don’t do any stories on his & Ginny’s kid’s fabulous lives.
HeShe – Shiner
Ha! I just saw the list (complete with pictures) of the ‘20 Hottest Conservative Women’. Getting past whether you think such a thing is sexist or sexiest (“There’s a thin line between clever and stupid” – David St. Hubbins) the validity of the list is immediately called into question when a man is accidentally included at number 11… Ann Coulter.
Ramrod – Bruce Springsteen
Hmmm, it seems that Joisy Governor Chris “Ramrod” Christie love love loves him some Boss Springsteen. But Christie also has sad crying clown on velvet face ‘cause the Boss won’t be his pal/bff/political billboard. As a matter of fact it appears that Sir Springsteen of ethicshire realizes ol’ Ramrod just wants a photo op with the most loved person in his state. According to The Atlantic‘s Jeffrey Goldberg Christie says,“…we got nothing back from them, not even a ‘Fuck you.’” On behalf of Mr. Springsteen, the Daily Soundtrack would like to say, “Chris Christie fuck you.”
Politician Rag – King Soloman
The Democratic Governor of New Hampshire vetoed a medical marijuana bill that had been put up by the Republicans in their state house. Which proves the point, “NONE of these people are looking out for your interests, they are just trying to win party points, get re-elected and continue to ride the corporate gravy train.”
Clowns Galore – Therapy?
Thomas Harold Morgan (his middle name is used so you know he’s an evil prick) spent 20 years performing for children as “Sondance the Clown.” He has been arrested for downloading massive amounts of kiddie porn onto his computer. ‘Clowns + Children = A Big No Go’.
I knew it… I knew it all along.
We’ll be back Monday with more “WTF!?!” Remember, The Daily Soundtrack and Ol’ Bingo love ya!