2012 FriOneThree

Okay, I’ll bite. It’s Friday the Thirteenth… Bad Luck. Trouble. Hockey Masks. Yada Yada Yada. I think the whole event is in need of a serious make-over. Something new and exciting. I don’t even have a clue what it’ll be about… but does that matter? We’re being sold big bags of crap everyday and we don’t mind. So let’s not bother with what it IS, let’s just look at the outside of FRIONETHREE.

Beautiful People – Supergrass
Do you want to be a star? Are your dreams within your grasp? Do you want to join the other Beautiful People? Then you know. You are godlike. You are FRIONETHREE. Your beautiful dreams of stardom are born. FRIONETHREE! Help them come true.

My Medicine – Snoop Dogg
YOUR DOCTOR MAY BE WRONG! Are you tired after a long day? Do you feel achy after working in the garden? Do you sweat after a 10k run? Then you may be suffering from the oldest disease on earth. Continual Decay Syndrome or CDS. CDS is a killer without a known cure… but if your doctors are telling you there’s nothing they can do to prevent it… they MAY BE WRONG! They may not know about FRIONETHREE. FRIONETHREE. Ask your Doctor, about FRIONETHREE… it’s YOUR life.

Fictional Reality – Slayer
Oh ho ho what’s going to happen on this month’s episode of FRIONETHREE? It’s gonna be crazy. There’ll be meltdowns and booze and sex and romance and love and singing and disappointment and virgins and adventure and storage bins and cops and truckers and Cajuns and pawnshops and teens and rock star councilors and cupcakes and anger and voices and bachelors and pregnant unwed alien cannibals and strippers and who’s going to win the million dollars a year for life? FRI-ONE-THREE! From the people that brought you “Wacky Plastic Surgery Mishaps” and “Billionaire Pre-School Mobster Moms.”

You’ve Got Me Floating – Phil Brown
If you’ve “fallen and you can’t get up” you don’t have to worry anymore… you can just float back into your chair. Or out to the fridge to get a cold HAMMS. Or to the telephone to call your ungrateful nephew Willie who you raised as if he was your own and he went out to Western Hollyweird and disappeared into all that hippy stuff way back… when was that? The ‘60s? ‘70s? Hell you don’t remember… but know this, if you call 888-888-8888 and say “There’s some kids making a racket next door and I want to float over and tell ‘em to keep it down” our representative will help you obtain the new FRIONETHREE. You’ll be mobile again! And you’ll only have to pay shipping, handling and a small monthly fee from you social security check. Be mobile. Be free. Be floatin’. Put away your fear. FRIONETHREE.

One Cat, One Vote, One Beer – Ry Cooder
They don’t. We do. They kill children and puppies. We lower taxes and keep you safe. They don’t believe. We practically invented it. They are outsiders who are inside government. We are deeply imbedded in of your life but never interfere except when you believe something’s wrong. They’ve done everything badly except for the things they’ve done wrong which they’ve done extremely well. We haven’t done anything that could remotely upset you unless it’s pointing out how horrible THEY are. This November VOTE FRIONETHREE. It’s our country’s only hope… the dream will live forever.

The Daily Soundtrack says “Buy FRIONETHREE” and enjoy it until Monday… when we return with more nonsense.