CNBC has decided reporting the gnews (even the ‘financial’ gnews) just isn’t good enough anymore, so yesterday they decided to report the gnews for the day after the November elections… Mittens Wins! And not only that but all will be right in the world for corporate America. Not only will the Stock Markets climb but a new dawn will come to really rich people. Even though none of their reporting is based on historical trends we here at The Daily Soundtrack are glad we don’t have to wait to see what will happen… as a matter of fact we’re reporting the future too!
Rainbow – G Love
November 22rd 2012: The skies have all turned to rainbows. That’s right, blue is for pussies! Look up and what do you see? A prism of delight. Colors you never imagined above you. Purple. Green. Pink. And the governments of the world are giving you new outdoor clothes, FREE OF CHARGE! A spokesman for TerraCorp says, “It’s just a little permanent acid rain, we’ll have it cleaned up in 80 or 200 years.”
Puppies On Acid – Dream Theater
December 25th, 2012: Everyone gets a puppy! To have and to love and cuddle and to hold and to kiss. Well don’t kiss it. And don’t cuddle or hold it either. But you can LOVE it! And don’t get out of your bed after 8:45pm. It will be patrolling the house. Even if you gotta pee… you should have thought of that before curfew you swine!
Candy – Iggy Pop
February 14th 2013: Love is in the air. And candy is on your lips. Well kaandi… “the new improved sweet that everyone is dying to eat!” A delightful ball of high fructose corn syrup wrapped in an succulent outer covering of chocolate (colored) high fructose corn structure with just a dollop of Cherri on top. Those other candies can’t compare! (And lobbyists for NatUSACorp have made sure they’re all illegal… they’re unhealthy!)
Sunshine Superman – Donovan
July 4th 2013: Everyone around the world waits with baited breath as President Mitt Romney decides whether or not it is cost effective to attempt to relight the decaying sun. The Senate has already approved an emergency measure (93-7) giving him the authority to do so but the Tea Party members of the House are against the measure saying “it’s just another big government plan to take away your guns and teach evolution.” President Romney sides with the Tea Party… they have just enough influence to get him re-elected in 2016.
Moonbeam – John Doe
Unknown: Time has folded in on itself. When the sun collapsed a black hole was formed and sucked all of what we knew as space/time into it and our solar system disappeared in the blink of an eye. All that was left were light rays from a distant galaxy. As they bounced off of the turbulence of our existence disappearing they looked like moonbeams reflecting off of a summer pond.
We here at The Daily Soundtrack like being able to report news before it happens, it makes things much easier. This just in www.spinbridge.com suddenly becomes the most important website in the world in September. We’ll tell you why later.