2012 Unclean!

Um, like, unclean. That’s how we feel here at the Daily Soundtrack. Just another day. I’m scanning the various sites, papers and “stupidity flat screen” programs and what strikes me in the face like a wet diaper? How unclean today’s mess is making me feel. Showertime? Oh, Yes… Showertime. You’re going to need one too after this…

Piss Up a Rope – Ween
You know those racin’ Penskes? And they own auto supplies and haulin’ trucks and a sh*tload of other stuff? They got cash. And they like to LIVE boy, I mean live! Well the way I hear it two of Roger’s sons Jay & Mark (Roger is the dad with the mega-dough) were out doing the town and getting D-R-U-N-K when they decided to take a little break (and by break I mean break in to a yacht club) and pee in the parkin’ lot. Well a couple of women folk saw them a’urinatin’ and walked on up to say “Hi” or “Stop peeing” or “That thing’s mighty small” or something and Jay turned around and… you know what?… he pissed all over that woman’s boots. Then Mark shoved her and took off and well… papa Penske weren’t gonna be too happy. Arrests everywhere. Lucky for them big money will clean up break-ins, blood and urine. (Yahoo Sports)

The Bear – Johnny ‘Guitar’ Watson
In Norway a family of drunk bears (a mom and her three cubs) broke into a cabin, ate a bunch of smores – at least the ingredients – and drank 8 cases of beer. When Borthen Nilsen returned home no one was sleeping in his bed but he said, “They had a hell of a party in there. The cabin has the stench of a right old piss up, trash, and bears.” According to the Norwegian press (via gawker.com)

Nilsen explained that excrement on the outside of the cabin left him in no doubt that it was a family of bears which had taken over his cabin for night of feasting and drunken revelry.

David Hasselhoff could not be reached for comment.

Busted – The Black Keys
In Scranton PA Justin K was just about to score a mega amount of dope when the police showed up and arrested him. ‘How did they know?’ he had to wonder. Maybe if he wouldn’t have butt dialed 911 so that the dispatchers could hear the entire deal go down he would have made the big score. When police arrived they found dope syringes, brass knuckles and other types of paraphernalia laying around. And they definitely felt like they needed to shower. (MSN)

Thanks For The Killer Game Of Crisco Twister – Minus the Bear
Illinois police found a naked man wandering around the local business district. When they confronted him about his ‘free swinging’ lifestyle (and the short pants he was wearing on his head) they noticed he was covered in Crisco cooking spray… probably from the empty can he was carrying with him. When asked what was going on he replied, “My pants are too big.” The police think it might have had something to do with the meth in the pocket of the pants but haven’t been able to complete the investigation due to being distracted by his ‘delightful frying donut’ aroma. (Detroit Free Press)

Creeps Crouchin’ – Blockhead
A New Jersey mother agreed to appear in a breast feeding instructional video. Someone took the footage and cut it into a porn. Lawsuits abound. The people who really need their asses kicked are the porn-slugs who cut this lady, and her baby, into a sex movie. (It’s a New Jersey Sex movie, how good can it be anyway?) Why’d they do it? The ‘actress’ in the ‘scenes’ they’d shot resembled the NJ mother. I don’t believe this story is going to have a happy ending.

Soap… hot water… here I come! Back Monday!