You know that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach sometimes where you know it’s not bad clams or influenza? An unease you can’t describe but lingers like a unwanted house guest? Queasiness? Well, I’ve felt that way whenever I’ve read the news lately. What have we become? If I say what I truly believe you’ll the Daily Soundtrack has gone native so I’ll write a few stories and you decide…
Take Out Some Insurance – Jimmy Reed
A young lady was driving her car through an intersection when another car hit her… She died. She had insurance w Progressive Insurance (with their sweet mythological uber-fem, Flo). Well it turned out the other driver was underinsured and because of the dead girl’s policy, Progressive was on the hook for some major cash to be paid to her parents. So instead of paying Progressive sent a lawyer and represented the person at fault against their OWN policy holder! They’ve denied this is what happened and except for the fact one of their lawyers identified himself in court and tried the entire case they may have a point. Who you gonna believe? Progressive lawyers or your own lying senses?
Tattoo Of Your Name – Vast
Girls are getting their anus’s tattooed w their boyfriends names. I wouldn’t believe this at all except for the quote from a young woman of high moral charecter who said, “wooo, it felt good, wooooo woooooo, give me another shooter… Wooooooo!” okay I expanded it a bit… Except the part where she said she liked how it felt. I’m thinking about getting one that says, “Look Out Below!”
Influenza De Jazz – Herbie Mann
Swine Flu 2012 is here! People are dropping like turds… Sickness is about to make a lot of America extra queasy. Do you know how humans get swine flu? A pig has to sneeze on you. Patient zero is within inches of a sneezing pig. And then he passes it along… To who? What the hell is going on here? How do you get bird flu? French kissing the Norwegian Blue? I can get sick because some guy was too close to a sneezing pig. Bacon is dead to me.
Book Of Liars – Walter Becker
I love books. I love to read. In always glad to hear when someone else love reading too… Except the porn star who decided to promote words on the page by reading a story… About necrophilia… on camera. While someone pleasured her under the desk with a vibrator. I’m using the term pleasured here very loosely… like her… under the table.
On Face Book – Tee-M
Facebook has finally decided how theyre going to make all that money they need to make… ads ads and more ads! And you thought it would take an accidental posting of racial slurs to get the their numbers to plummet… Facebook… always ahead of the game.
Ohhhhh, my stomach is still flutt flutt flutty. Bingo’ll be back tomorrow.